Constructive Criticism Workshop

[Jinx]

Well guys, I love getting feedback on my writing, I dunno about you. So...I set up this thread. Feel free to post here either asking what people think about your writing or telling your opinions of others. But first! Some rules!

RULES
1) To post comments about another's writing, you must log out of your account and post as a guest, so there is no drama about "well he said this" or "she said this" blah blah blah

2) Don't be downright mean or spiteful. The title of this topic is "CONSTRUCTIVE criticism workshop" for a reason. Negative imput is completely fine, and in fact some people thrive on specifics to improve on. But don't just say "well, blahblahblah, frankly your writing sucks and I think you should leave." No. Absolutely not. Our dear admin pastel has the ability to see the IP addresses of the guests who post or visit on the site, did you know that? Yeah, so if you're out of line she can see if your IP matches that of a member and then she knows who you are. You have been warned.

To make things a little easier (and to help organize everyone's thoughts), I made a nifty little code to fill out when you're either presenting yourself or giving advice to another writer.

To put yourself up for constructive criticism please post this code:
[size=1][blockquote]Hey guys, I'm [b][color=dodgerblue]yournamehere[/color][/b] and I play [b][color=dodgerblue]yourcharacter(s)here[/b][/color]. I'd like to hear what you have to say about my writing. The one thing I'd most like to get input on is [b][color=dodgerblue]blahblahblah[/color][/b], and what I think is my worst point is [b][color=dodgerblue]blahblahblah feel free to leave these three blank if you'd rather not say, just say so haha[/b][/color], but that's okay because I think I'm really good at [b][color=dodgerblue]blahblahblah[/b][/color]. What do you think?[/size][/blockquote]

And if you are logged out of your account AND ARE POSTING AS A GUEST, please use this code:

[size=1][blockquote]Hey, [color=goldenrod][b]insertnameofpersonbeingcritiquedhere[/color][/b], I think you're pretty rad! My favorite part about your style of writing is [b][color=goldenrod]blahblahblahonce again feel free to leave some of these blank but more answered is better[/color][/b], its great! If I had to point out one thing that I think you could improve on, it would be to [b][color=goldenrod]blahblahblah[/color][/b]. If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to [color=goldenrod][b]blahblahblah[/color][/b]. When I read your character's profile, what was definetely my favorite part was [color=goldenrod][b]blahblahblah[/color][/b], but I think that maybe [color=goldenrod][b]blahblahblah[/color][/b] could have stood to have been a bit better.But anywho, I [color=goldenrod][b]would or would not[/color][/b] like to roleplay with you sometime in the future! =D[/size][/blockquote]

[/blockquote]

[Jinx]

Hey guys, I'm asho and I play Jinxy

[/color]. I'd like to hear what you have to say about my writing. The one thing I'd most like to get input on is if her long internal ramblings make sense and if you think I'm inconsistent?, and what I think is my worst point is making sense[/color], but that's okay because I think I'm really good at getting the audience emotionally involved and getting them to see a side of my character they wouldn't see at surface value[/color]. What do you think?[/size][/blockquote]

[guestie]

Hey, Asho

[/b], I think you're pretty rad! My favorite part about your style of writing is how you pull the audience into Jinx’s mind. I always wished the Jinx in the animated show had a bit more detail in her personality and mind along with a more ‘insane’ balance. I don’t think Jinx is a particularly sane individual – I mean, after all, who would be if their power was similar to hers? It makes perfect sense that she’d be having long and rambling internal thoughts/conflicts and I love the way you portray her. It’s almost like you took the animated-series Jinx and transformed the Teen Titans show into a more mature audience which is a big step up for the average Jinx role-player, its great! If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to keep doing exactly what you’re doing because Asho you’re doing extremely perfect portraying Jinx and captivating the audience into her mind. You make her so much more interesting and, as such, you’re also bringing new light into the character. [/b] But anyhow, I would[/b] like to role-play with you sometime in the future! =D[/size][/blockquote]

[Sahoni]

Hey guys, I'm Sahoni and I play well Sahoni

[/color]. I'd like to hear what you have to say about my writing. The one thing I'd most like to get input on is My writing, and what I think is my worst point is grammer feel free to leave these three blank if you'd rather not say, just say so haha[/color], but that's okay because I think I'm really good at creativity[/color]. What do you think?[/size][/blockquote]

[guestie]

Hey, Sahoni

[/b], I think you're pretty rad! My favorite part about your style of writing is your creativity involving your character, its great! If I had to point out one thing that I think you could improve on, it would be to work on your grammar (we all are victim to this, though), stop using so much dialogue, and the lack of detail of Sahoni’s thoughts and expressions/feelings. If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to proofread your posts thoroughly! It’s easy to use a spelling and grammar checker by searching for one on Google. Now, about your posts, I notice you use a lot of dialogue instead of actions. This is not necessarily a bad thing but there are times when it’s overpowering your posts and it makes the person you’re role-playing with have difficulty replying to you. For example, if you’re just giving mostly dialogue, and you don’t have any necessary thoughts or actions then how does the person replying know what your character looks like and what your character is feeling? Does Sahoni look upset? Nervous? They can’t determine it through just dialogue. Be a bit more open. While he speaks is he thinking of his past? Don’t be afraid to bring up his thoughts and show what expression he’s giving! It’s very interesting to see how characters react when they talk about their own powers or their past. A lot of them are eager to bring it up and, at the same time, a lot of them are nervous – fearful – apprehensive about doing so. As an example, take Jinx, we can see into her mind a lot in Asho’s posts – can we not? She expresses emotions and shows her thoughts! It makes a much more interesting read then a post of dialogue with little actions[/b]. But anyhow, I would[/b] like to role-play with you sometime in the future! =D[/size][/blockquote]

[Allister Hale]

Hey guys, I'm Sitani and I play Allister Hale

[/color]. I'd like to hear what you have to say about my writing. The one thing I'd most like to get input on is if my post make it easy for people to reply, and what I think is my worst point is using the same word to many times in a row[/color], but that's okay because I think I'm really good at getting descriptive, being original, and keeping in character[/color]. What do you think?[/size][/blockquote]